Amusing Jokes


A flea and a fly in aflue
were imprisoned so what could they do?
said the fly,"let us flee."
said the flea;"let us fly."
so they flew through a flaw in the flue.

Alex:Mom, i think it's time I got an allowance.
Mother:How about I give you double what I give tyour little brother,matt?
Alex:But Matt gets zero allowence.
Mother:Okey,so i'll give you triple.

"What are you drawing ,honey?"
"A picture of God."
"But no one knows what God looks like."
"They will when I'm finished with this."

"My brother has laryngitis,so he's talking with his hands."
"Is that why he's snapping his fingers?"
"Yeah,he has the hiccups."
5.Mother:Jimmy,your ear is bleeding!
Jimmy:I know,I accidentally bit it.
Mother:How could you bite your own ear?
Jimmy:I was standing on a chair.

Troy:Hey,what time does your new watch say?
Jimmy:It doesn't say anything.I have to look at it.
Troy:Don't be such a smart aleck!
Jimmy:Yeah!Well,what does yours say?
Troy:Tick,tick,tick,tick.

"Doctor ,my ear keeps ringing."
"You should get an unlisted ear"
8."she sure gave you a dirty look."
"Who?"
"Mother Nature."

Teacher: What does it mean when the barometer is falling?
Trent:It means whoever naild it up didn't do a good job.

"I hate taht snobby Chisrtina.Beacause of her I lost a hundred Pounds."
"Wow!what did she do?"
"Stole my boyfriend."

Science Teacher: Who can tell me what an atom is?
Student: The guy who went out with Eve!

Who is your best friend at school?
Your princi-pal!

Why did the Cyclops stop teaching?
Because he only had one pupil!

Why was the students report card all wet?
Because it was below C level!

What do you get when you cross a parrot with a centipede?
A walkie talkie!

What is the strongest animal?
A snail. He carries his house on his back!

What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?
Anything you like, it can't hear you!

What did the duck say when he bought lipstick?
Put it on my bill!

Man 1: After buying this new hearing aid, I am able to hear something two blocks away.
Man 2: Cool, how much did it cost?
Man 1: The time is three past ten.

Dad's writes on son's Facebook wall: "Dear Son, How are you? All are fine here. We miss you a lot. Please!! TURN OFF THE COMPUTER & COME DOWN FOR DINNER!!!

Doctor to a rich man: Do you prefer a local anesthesia?
Rich man: I would rather prefer an imported one.

Doctor: Have you ever fainted before?
Patient: Yes, the last time you told me your fees.

Wife to her husband: Wake up. Some thieves have broken into our house. I think they are now eating the food I made last night.
Husband: Oh! Let's better call the ambulance then.

Girl: Mom, today the teacher beat me for something that I didn't do.
Mother: That's very bad of your teacher. What was it that you didn't do? Girl: The homework.

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